That Time A “Feminist” Told Me I Was Not Sufficiently “Female” Enough To Be A Victim

From back in 2015, I address some skanky anonymous hypocrite who decided to get up in my ass. I’m *probably* hotter than her all these years later due to my spry Brazilian genes, but given who I think sent this to me, it’s hardly an achievement on my part.

I received a rather interesting email last night from an anonymous woman (or a woman who just happens to share the same names as Batman characters). She started out referring to herself as “a fellow harassed woman,” one who was active in the comics community and for the cause of feminism:

“For several years I was also harassed – I was sent rape and death threats, which grew more and more colorful each day.  It was incredibly stressful.”

Unfortunately, her particular brand of feminism doesn’t apparently extend to me, as she quickly went on to tell me that all my experiences of harassment and abuse never happened:

“Do you even UNDERSTAND how difficult stories like yours makes it for the rest of us – those of us who are experiencing REAL harassment, and REAL misogyny – to be taken SERIOUSLY?”

How does she know this as a fact? Unhelpfully, she never elaborates. But she DOES know it’s a fact, and keeps reminding me for the rest of the email that my personal narrative doesn’t count. 

“I am quivering with anger right now.  Because now when I talk about women being harassed online, for a few weeks your story – and not one that demonstrates ACTUAL harassment – will be headlining.”

The part in the message that really sort of confused me is how she kept separating me out of the general female populace, talking about “real” women who experienced “real” abuse. Somehow, my personal narrative “muddied” things–distracted people from the “real” group of females who have endured harassment and threats.

Why was I being singled out as not part of the “legitimate” group of victims/survivors?

And then this morning it hit me:

And so I’d like to follow up on the last thing this person wrote in this email, right after defending Chris Sims (who could frankly use a better grade of defender than this person) and calling me a misogynist. 

This person wrote: “ take a look in the mirror some time.”

So I did.

I’m a 41-year-old gender-fluid comic book writer, editor, and blogger. I endorse an expanded feminism that embraces trans women (along with everyone along the vast gender spectrum) and puts more of an emphasis on women of color. I put my feminism into practice in the comics community not just by writing about various issues, but giving women actual paying jobs. I work with female clients to bring their ideas into comic book form, and volunteer my time mentoring female writers and artists who want to break into the business. 

I support the greater representation of people–and characters–of color within the comics industry. I support fair wages for people who work in the industry, and making sure older industry veterans continue to get jobs. I also support the greater inclusion of LGBTQ people both in the comics industry and within the comics they produce—particularly the transgender community, who I feel are under-represented and occasionally misrepresented throughout pop-culture in general.

If you think that my gender identification, aesthetics, etc. makes me not “qualify” as a “real victim” (oy) of misogyny…if you seek to rob me of my personal narrative because I don’t fit your image of what a good feminist should be or act or say…if you categorically deny I have had the experiences I have had…please take me off your mailing list. UNSUBSCRIBE.


2021 Update: See the bullshit I had to go through? That’s why I collect dolls now.

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