Review: Godzilla Vs. Kong Is…Meh? Not As Good As Rampage? Am I Missing Something Here?

Look, I TOTES “get” the excitement kaiju fans have for GODZILLA vs KONG. We’ve never really had a “great” film team-up with these two dudes. 1962’s KING KONG vs GODZILLA was REALLY freakin’ terrible (unless you really dig terrible movies, in which case it was awesome).

But I watched the new Adam Wingard giant monster slugfest for the first time recently and I have to ask…

Look, I’m NOT trying to be a contrarian jerk, here. Obviously, GODZILLA vs KONG is a very intricate film that took a lot of talent to make; especially the CGI (though it felt “thinner” than practical effects would have).

I guess I just thought, with all the hype, that this was going to be a far higher quality film. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. After watching this movie I couldn’t see how much it was very different from any Transformers flick. (So by the numbers, it even had the “conspiracy theory guy” just like John Turturro in TRANSFORMERS! More on that character in a hot minute.)

Most of the human characters in GODZILLA vs KONG are pretty 2-dimensional. And I KNOW that the humans in these movies are supposed to be rather 2-dimensional! But I just expected more, I dunno!

Rebecca Hall as “the Kong Whisperer” is basically doing the same schtick she did in 2014’s TRANSCENDENCE—I guess this is her life now. Alexander Skarsgård…enh? And Millie Bobby Brown…enh?

The ONLY character who actually seemed like a real person in this flick (except for Julian Dennison, props to him) was Brian Tyree Henry as Conspiracy Theory Dude. He was like a cross between Yaphet Kotto from ALIEN & Turturro from the Transformers franchise. He was like in his own damn movie.

Henry’s character actually brings up a good point about GODZILLA vs KONG that I wanted to touch upon before ending this post. This film is CHOCK FULL of pre-existing Conspiracy Theories currently percolating in the Collective. Please don’t misunderstand me…I’m not interpreting this film as possibly having conspiracy theories symbolically in it. Rather, these theories—first and most prominently among them Hollow Earth—are front and center.

So you have various social media platforms banning content for spreading “dangerous conspiracy theories”…but this big-budget mainstream film makes many of those theories integral to the plot. Further…in my experience, there is a fair bit of “overlap” between Hollow Earth and outright Nazi content. Not saying all Hollow Earth theorists are Nazis. I’m just saying: if you go out into ye brave internet and start researching Hollow Earth, you’re inevitably gonna encounter Nazi-type things.

So there’s that.

And lastly…well heck, I enjoyed 2018’s RAMPAGE much more than GODZILLA vs KONG. Dwayne Johnson had tons of genuine personality & the main Big Ape emoted really well. So I guess I’m a Philistine as far as kaiju movies are concerned. Oh well.

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