Hot N’ Steamy Review: Batman #78

Oy.

And so what we have in Batman #78–smack dab in the middle of the sprawling “City of Bane” storyline–is an issue almost entirely made up of Batman and Catwoman being impossibly good-looking while talking about their “fee-fees.”

Sometimes, they are in costume. Sometimes, Bruce wears a bad hat and a fake porn mustache. But generally: this is essentially a comic ostensibly of the hallowed “romance” genre, as the superhero and (sorta?) supervillain discuss their cancelled wedding plans.

Not that there is anything wrong with that!

Ron Howard as Narrator: “He was NOT fine.”

Indeed, after grappling with writer Tom King’s run on the title for the last bunch of months (a journey, complete with hand-drawn chart, that I recap here), I had taken a break and focused instead on unauthorized Nightwing/Deathstroke slash fan-fiction.

So I “get it,” K? Sometimes we just need a story made up of just sloppy sappy pillow talk and “fee-fees.”

Yeah, these two deserve each other alright.

Brucie says he’s “fine.” HE’S NOT FINE! He may be an extraordinary specimen of crime-fighting manhood who looks like every Brazilian soccer player wrapped up into one person–but he has a HEART, damnit!

This s**t goes on for THE ENTIRE ISSUE!!! (not that there’s anything wrong with it, but it’s hardly going to bring in the Fortnite crowd)

This issue is certainly not representative of the entire Tom King run on Batman–which, though heavy on the psychodrama, has not seemed to be as…Harlequin (if you excuse the pun) Romancey. And Clay Mann’s art is spot-on sexy perfect, just in case the proceedings get you hot-and-bothered and you need to retreat to your bunk for a while to reflect.

Helpful Interpretation: The Batarang is his penis.

And so…that’s Batman #78, in a nutshell. As I’ve noted, I haven’t followed this storyline for a few issues, so I have some catching up to do.

Meantime…I’ll be in my bunk.