Why Robert Pattinson Would Make A GREAT Batman!

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So late (I mean…late for me, the precious flower) last night I get the news via a reputable source: Robert Pattinson is the new Batman. (Wellthe Variety exclusive in question is a little confusing…it both says he’s going to be the new Batman, and also “it’s not a done deal.”)

So I’m going batshit, right? (get it? Bat-shit???) ‘Cause Benny Affleck as the Caped Crusader has felt like a long, lonnnnnnnng haul. And at least Pattinson is NEW and EXCITING!!!!

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But of course the requisite Twilight jokes ensued on social media…the “sparkly vampire” taking on such an iconic hero role as Batman? Horrors! Blasphemy!

Only…Robert Pattinson has been doing a bunch of really interesting indie films after the Twilight franchise ended. David Cronenberg’s Cosmopolis (2012) and Maps To The Stars (2014). The acclaimed dramas The Lost City of Z (2016) and Good Time (2017). And, most recently, last year’s science-fiction movie High Life.

So he has the acting chops, and isn’t afraid to get a little scruffy in the process. He has the height & the body type to play a young Bruce Wayne—and, good for Warner Bros., he has MASSIVE recognizability in the younger movie-going demographic. Which is also to say…chicks are going to see this movie in droves. And dudes are going to watch this film because, well, “Batman.” (I realize I’m over-simplifying the viewing habits of the general film audience into a cliche gender-based binary; please email complaints to this address.)

It’s simply a win-win. And while there were appealing aspects to the Affleck Batman, in the end his cranky ex-alcoholic Trump-scowl demeanor as the character was not a solid foundation for the movie studio to build the future of the DC Cinematic Universe.

Now…it IS a little suspicious that Warners leaks this info late on the SAME day the script for the upcoming Joker movie is supposedly trashed as dogshit

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…but I’m sure that is a COMPLETE COINCIDENCE!!!

Anyway, thanks for reading….and I’ll be in my bunk (I’M KIDDING, I’M KIDDING!!!)

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