Why Robert Pattinson Would Make A GREAT Batman!


So late (I mean…late for me, the precious flower) last night I get the news via a reputable source: Robert Pattinson is the new Batman. (Wellthe Variety exclusive in question is a little confusing…it both says he’s going to be the new Batman, and also “it’s not a done deal.”)

So I’m going batshit, right? (get it? Bat-shit???) ‘Cause Benny Affleck as the Caped Crusader has felt like a long, lonnnnnnnng haul. And at least Pattinson is NEW and EXCITING!!!!


But of course the requisite Twilight jokes ensued on social media…the “sparkly vampire” taking on such an iconic hero role as Batman? Horrors! Blasphemy!

Only…Robert Pattinson has been doing a bunch of really interesting indie films after the Twilight franchise ended. David Cronenberg’s Cosmopolis (2012) and Maps To The Stars (2014). The acclaimed dramas The Lost City of Z (2016) and Good Time (2017). And, most recently, last year’s science-fiction movie High Life.

So he has the acting chops, and isn’t afraid to get a little scruffy in the process. He has the height & the body type to play a young Bruce Wayne—and, good for Warner Bros., he has MASSIVE recognizability in the younger movie-going demographic. Which is also to say…chicks are going to see this movie in droves. And dudes are going to watch this film because, well, “Batman.” (I realize I’m over-simplifying the viewing habits of the general film audience into a cliche gender-based binary; please email complaints to this address.)

It’s simply a win-win. And while there were appealing aspects to the Affleck Batman, in the end his cranky ex-alcoholic Trump-scowl demeanor as the character was not a solid foundation for the movie studio to build the future of the DC Cinematic Universe.

Now…it IS a little suspicious that Warners leaks this info late on the SAME day the script for the upcoming Joker movie is supposedly trashed as dogshit


…but I’m sure that is a COMPLETE COINCIDENCE!!!

Anyway, thanks for reading….and I’ll be in my bunk (I’M KIDDING, I’M KIDDING!!!)