A Message From A Former “Geek Girl”

val-cartoonI feel like “geek culture” on both sides, left and right, has become really toxic. There’s got to be a better way to do this. I don’t feel “represented” or comfortable on either side. One side has a pre-judgement on me and my work because I’m female, and the other side claims to be my “champions” but has a long history of being *massive* hypocrites on the issue of feminism and diversity.

And the sad fact is, I’ve been able to have better conversations with people who outright identify themselves as “anti-feminist” or whatever than I have with people (men and women) who aggressively identify as progressive; because at least I know where the former really stands, whereas I’ve had so many bad experiences and betrayals with the latter. And I could write like ten pages of specifics on this point.

It’s a fucking shame when alt-righters have to fucking call out specific people who have hurt me in this business because nobody in the industry or community ever had the balls or self-reflection to do it.

I just had to get this out…I still like writing about pop-culture, and I like fiction writing, but it’s clear I have to do it outside of this toxic bubble. My main goal with my writing is: “is it relevant to today and the future?” A lot of this shit in geek culture is no longer relevant, they are not fully in touch with the younger generations, and they have their self-important heads so far up their asses as they break their hands patting themselves on the back for being so open-minded.

The fact is, I *did* feel like purely a “diversity hire” at Marvel, I felt my gender was the only factor they cared about, and in the end it did not help my writing or my mindset; it took me almost *ten years* for me to personally evolve to the point where confidently I felt I was writing as a person and not as a “symbol.”

And I felt that every time within those ten years I strayed from being that “feminist victim” that this industry and community wanted me to be, I was publicly blasted for it.

Well to everybody who got web hits from my personal tragedy but then undermined me/sold me out: fuck you you fucking hypocrites, you know who you are.

To all the white knighter hypocrites in this industry who claimed to have the backs of women and then fucking harassed me, threatened me, hired people who were shitheads to me, came on to me and then gave me the stinkeye when I didn’t reciprocate: FUCK YOU.

To the gentleman who spearheaded the “progressive feminist comics movement” in his company but in another life tried to grope me in the office: go fuck yourself, you sanctimonious smug prick.

To the woman who convinced me to sue DC Comics but then later told me she didn’t think her “buddy” was capable of harassing me: I don’t even think you have the mental capacity to wrap your head around why this was fucking wrong, so why even confront you on it? I mean: you got what you wanted, RIGHT? I was your fucking puppet to get the revenge on the industry that you craved…but you also still wanted to go to the convention bar with these people and have them flatter you. And so you got both. And I sincerely think you do not have the mental capacity to see exactly where in that equation things were fucked up.

The Gamergaters and the alt-righters and the conservatives and the anti-feminists didn’t create this MASSIVE distrust I now have for getting involved in ANY sort of social cause or group…I mean, some may have hurt my feelings…but they didn’t create this massive hole in my chest of just hurt and disillusionment and cynicism bordering on outright nihilism.

The assholes who claimed to be my “champions” did this to me…who claimed to be my friends and then did so much sneaky reprehensible shit and NEVER fucking got called out on it because they were all too busy participating in their circle jerk of self-congratulations on being so goddamn enlightened.

Well: I’m calling you out on it now. And I may not be on the “inside”—but over 1,000 readers come to my personal site a day and it grows every week and every month. And I write ALL THE TIME. And when I write, I remember how I was treated. And I don’t write little virtue signaling tweets to show everybody how “woke” I am…I write essays on all these current topics, and people from all over the world (literally, I’m looking at my hitcounter now, the most current visits: Brazil, Pakistan, the US, Canada, Panama, the UK, India) take the time to read them.

Can you imagine that, in this attention-deficit internet world? That people would spend literally *hours* reading every post on my site? And that’s how I’m going to create change, and that’s how I’m going to stay relevant.

And how are YOU going to stay relevant?

My final message to the people I’m addressing here—and you know who you are—is that the next time you want to use some vulnerable person as your political symbol or as the subject of your latest buzzworthy press release…think REALLY hard on it. Are you treating them like a person, or a tool for your own ego? Because you *may* get away with it…this woman or that person of color or that trans individual that you used for a spell and then quietly threw away…they may even never want to confront you on it because they know they’ll be quietly blacklisted by the industry if they seem “troublesome” or “unappreciative.”

On the other hand…you might piss off somebody like me.

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